


Festivities

by WritersBlock_Liz



Series: Penny Parker 2020 [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Birthday Party, Drink Spiking, Drunken Shenanigans, Female Peter Parker, Fourth of July, Multi, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:09:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26423161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritersBlock_Liz/pseuds/WritersBlock_Liz
Summary: Summery: This story sort of picks up where ‘An Ass out of you and me’ ends and belongs to the same Story-Line.Basically, it's the Fourth of July, the United States Independence Day as well as Steve's birthday, and the Avengers are throwing a big party. And Penny has a very special gift to give to Americas Ass. But she might need Clint's help. And a camera. Okay, so maybe this isn’t about Steve but getting revenge on him, Tony and Rhodey. And to an extend on Clint because Penny is not sticking around to see how this will end.BTW, this idea came from frozenchaos9, thanks for the idea, I had fun with it!
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Penny Parker 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900864
Comments: 9
Kudos: 54





	Festivities

### Story Six - Festivities 

“Remember we’re having brunch tomorrow. The whole team. It’ll be the only chance we’ll get before the party and before the press is set loose on us. Make sure you are punctual.” Tony said over his shoulder when Penny walked into the kitchen on Saturday morning. His eyes were glued to his phone as he got ready for the day.  
She considered turning around for a second and going back to bed.  
She had only been awake for maybe ten minutes and the first thing of this new day was remembering something important? Tony couldn’t possibly expect that much brain activity this early from her.  
She grunted in response and slid onto the bar stool by the kitchen island, grabbing one of the pancakes someone had left out there for her with her bare hand and started chewing on it.  
“What were you raised in a cave? Use a plate and maybe some cutlery…” Tony grumbled, peeking at her over the brim of his phone.  
“Too tired.”  
“Then why didn’t you stay in bed? It’s Saturday after all.”  
“I was hungry.” she said through a mouthful of chewed pancakes.  
“Yes, I can tell…” he watched her for a moment longer as she reached for the second pancake.  
Syrup dripped down her fingers.  
“How long were you and Wade out last night?” he asked doubtfully.  
“About three. The drop off happened later than we first assumed. We actually thought we were too late but then we saw our target and knew we were on time.” she recalled last night's mission.  
Truth be told the drop off and subsequently her and Wade interfering and thus stopping a major weapons deal had gone just as planned. But Tony didn’t have to know that Wade took her to Sister Margret’s afterwards to celebrate. And by celebrate she meant shots.  
Ever since the whole disaster with Tony trying to kill Wade because he thought Wade was forcing Penny into a sexual relationship (which of course was totally bullshit and had ended with an almost-shootout at Sister Margaret’s and a huge fight between Penny and Tony and some trust issues on Penny's side, followed by some heart-to-heart conversations before things began to turn back to the way they were before) and Tony realizing the mistakes he had made (aka hacking her phone and stalking her) he was a lot more lenient when it came to all thing Wade-concerned.  
They weren’t still back to 100% and Penny doubted that their relationship would ever be the same but she had forgiven him for most of what happened already. But he didn’t need to know that. And just because she forgave, didn’t mean she would forget.  
Also the past three months had been rather fun with Tony, Steve, Rhodey and Clint trying to make it up to her.  
Tony let her play around in the lab and worked with her on fun projects, Spider-Girl related and not.  
Rhodey had taken her to his Air Base and taken her flying in one of his jets, that had been extremely fun!  
Steve had allowed her and Bucky to use his shield for a game of Ultimate Frisbee.  
And Clint...well, Clint was alright. She could never stay truly mad at a fellow prankster.  
Anyway, lenient or not, it wouldn’t last forever and Tony didn’t exactly need to know just how… wild... Penny could get when she hung around Wade. 

“Yeah, well, no late patrolling tonight, tomorrow will be a long day and I need you in top-form.” Tony said, putting his coffee-mug into the dishwasher.  
God, Pepper had him well-trained.  
“What for?” she asked, cleaning her sticky hands on her shirt.  
Tony threw her an annoyed and disapproving look but continued nonetheless.  
“Well, since it’s an official Stark Industries party, I need you to act in your role as SI lead intern of the R&D department.”  
She froze mid movement. “Oh come on” she complained, “Tony, that means sucking up to people and smiling at misogynistic old white men who don’t take me seriously. And wearing a dress! Can’t we just celebrate Steve’s birthday in a small setting? Just the team? Who cares if it's Independence Day?”  
“Don’t say that out loud tomorrow or our stocks will tank at least forty percent.” Tony told her with a grin and a wink.  
“It’ll be fine Penny. You always do great at these things.” he assured her and grabbed his bag.  
She turned in her chair as he walked towards the elevator. “Give me one good reason why I should not just spend the day at Sister Margaret’s! They throw amazing parties.” she shouted.  
Without bothering to look back at her, Tony stepped into the elevator and shouted just as the doors closed: “I invited that intern on loan to us from South Africa you fancy so much.”  
Then he was gone.  
Penny leaned back against the kitchen island.  
“Damn, that's a good reason.” she muttered.  
.  
.  
The brunch would take place on the roof-top terrace of the Stark Tower. On normal days it functioned as a sort of outdoor-breakroom to the employees of Stark industries but since it was a Sunday and also a national holiday, they had it all to themselves. It was basically a flying garden with all the vegetation and trees that grew here.  
It looked like someone had cut off a piece of Central Park and packed it onto the Tower. It was a very nice place, one where Penny had spent many lunch-breaks and study sessions.  
When she arrived on Sunday morning just ten minutes late, it looked even more amazing.  
Someone had really gone all out and decorated the hell out of this place.  
It was decked out with colourful balloons and paper-ribbons hanging from the trees, a big ass table loaded with food, live music, caterers, an open bar and another huge table covered in gifts. A gigantic cake took up most of the table.  
Most of her teammates had already arrived and all were dressed in their best clothes.  
Being the power-couple that they were, Tony and Pepper looked like a million bucks in their matching outfits.  
Even Dr. Banner had opted not for a button-down shirt but an actual suit.  
The birthday child in question stood off to the side with Bucky, laughing and holding a beer.  
At eleven in the morning.  
Then again it wasn’t like Steve could get drunk...of beer that was.  
She grabbed the handles of her handbag tighter and made sure the two bottles inside had survived the trip from Hell's Kitchen to here.  
She stepped out onto the patio and looked around, searching for her target.  
She found Clint lounging in a sun-chair under a willow tree, his youngest son Nathaniel playing in a sandbox nearby.  
The sandbox was new but she just might try to convince Tony to keep it. It looked like fun.  
She let herself fall down into Clint’s lap.  
“So…” she began, her gaze fixed on Steve, who had left Bucky to greet some new arrivals. So army guys or something.  
“You are the only fun person around here.” she said.  
“Agreed.” Clint grunted and pushed the sunglasses he was wearing up onto his head. “Your point?” he asked, squinting against the hot July sun.  
God, whose idea had it been having an outdoor brunch at eleven am in July in New York?  
“My point is: I need someone to help me spike Captain America's drink to make this entire affair fun. Wanna help?”  
Clint frowned.  
“Hate to break it to you kid, but I tried that years ago. His metabolism just burns through it. It’s sad really, if you think about it.”  
Penny rolled her eyes.  
“Yeah, well, you didn’t have what I have in my bag right now.” She opened her handbag so he could see the two bottle inside.  
“What is that?”  
“One hundred percent pure distilled vodka, specially made for people with superhuman metabolism.”  
“Why does it have no label and look like it was made in some creeper's backroom?” he asked, pulling out one bottle a tad to examine it.  
“Because it was, Clint. It’s called the Spider-Web. I wanted to change it into Spider-Shots, because duh... but Weasel is not convinced so Spider-Web it is.”  
“And Weasel is…”  
“The guy who runs Sister Margaret’s. Remember, you stormed that place like it had oil hidden somewhere and you were the US military?” Penny said, impatiently.  
“Right...and you have that because…?”  
“He made it for me.”  
She saw his disapproving expression and swatted his chest. “Oh please, don’t act so holy, I know for a fact that you drank before you were twenty-one. Natasha told me all the stories Anyway, this is my gift to Steve on this, the holiest of days.”  
“Your gift is getting him drunk?” Clint asked.  
“Yes. Come on, you can’t tell me you believe it when he says he doesn’t miss it. He probably just doesn’t remember since the last time he had a drink that actually messed him up, Hitler was still alive.”  
Clint rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I don’t know Penny…” he began.  
“Oh come on, you were always the fun-parent. Think about it! Captain America completely shitfaced on the Fourth of July! Just imagine the headlines.” she begged him, putting her hands together beggingly.  
“Fine.” he relented. “What do you need me for?”  
She beamed at him and got up, pulling him along.  
“Awesome. Okay, so: Steve’s kind of stick in the mud at these events. Everything is crisp and clean and stiff and just boring. But...I did see Steve drinking a beer when I came here so... I need you to get him to drink some of this” She pointed at the bottles in her bag “Mix it with whatever, just make him drink it. Since he had his last drink eighty years ago, I don’t think it will take much, because boy this stuff is strong, let me tell you!” she explained. “Other than that...I plan on having fun with this. Oh, and I have my drone filming everything.”  
She pointed upwards.  
Ordinary people would not be able to spot the tiny spider-shaped drone flying above their heads but Clint wasn’t ordinary. His eyes could put a hawk to shame.  
“Right, let’s go then.” Clint said and grinned at her.  
She held up her hand and he high-fived her.  
.  
They approached Steve together.  
Penny was carrying Nathaniel on her hip, entertaining the toddler with her necklace, the perfect picture of innocence while Clint carried two beers, one spiked with Spider-Webs.  
Steve was talking to T’Challa and Nat and Tony came walking over, when he spotted her.  
“Happy birthday Steve!” Penny said cheerfully and hugged him with one arm.  
He hugged her back.  
“Thanks Penny and thank you for coming. This is really nice, having all my family here together on this beautiful day. And later having this awesome party to celebrate our country. I couldn’t ask for a better birthday.” he told them, smiling widely.  
Clint held out one beer. “To you man, this is your day.” he said.  
Steve took the beer and they knocked their bottles together.  
“Cheers Clint. Thanks.”  
Penny hoped nobody noticed the grin spreading across her face when Steve too the first sip out of the bottle.  
The game was on.  
.  
“Remind me what good will come of this?” Clint asked an hour later when he joined her by the bar where Penny stood with her plate full of birthday cake.  
They had just cut the cake, after singing a horribly loud and out of tune version of Happy Birthday, and now Steve was opening his presents.  
It so happened to be that Penny had managed to slip him two more spiked drinks since the first one and things were starting to get interesting.  
“I don’t take the shits, I just disturb them.” she told Clint, sipping on the glass of Champagne Tony had given her when they had been singing and toasting to Steve earlier.  
“That sounds wrong but okay, go off I guess.” Clint grunted, leaning against the bar and joined her in observing Steve.  
Steve was an interesting drunk.  
One drink Steve was a bit spaced out and confused but hardly noticeable.  
Two Drink Steve was loud. It earned him a few confused looks from everybody around but so far so good. Nobody seemed to notice anything.  
Three Drink Steve was a hugger. And the really aggressive sort of hugger. And now that he was unwrapping his presents, he had a reason to hug everybody. Literally everybody. The young server looked ready to faint, when Steve hugged him for bringing him a pair of scissors.  
She saw Bucky frown and Natasha narrow her eyes.  
Oh, they definitely knew something was up.  
Penny snickered. “This is already so much better than what I expected.” she said and put the empty glass aside.  
“You are positively evil sometimes.” Clint announced and walked away.  
“I can live with that.” Penny called out after him.  
.  
.  
Things got interesting with the next drink.  
Four Drink Steve was a little pervert.  
Now that the brunch-part was done and everybody just chilled around, talking and relaxing, Steve took every opportunity he had to make dirty jokes, wriggle his eyebrows at innuendos and he just.would.not.stop.touching.Bucky.!  
It began small.  
A lingering touch here and there on an arm, the small of Bucky back, his thigh when they sat next to each other…  
They were out of course, everybody knew they were a couple.  
But PDA was not their love-language usually.  
Steve’s touchy-feely side seemed to confuse Bucky the most because every time Steve touched him unexpectedly, Bucky would look at Steve’s hand on his body, then at Steve and back at the hand touching him.  
He didn’t seem to mind but still...Penny had a hard time keeping her laughter contained whenever she noticed it.  
She grabbed a soda from the cooler and joined the group around Steve, sitting down on the armrest of Tony’s chair.  
“Penny!” Steve said cheerfully when he saw her.  
“Hey Steve, enjoying your party?” she asked.  
“Very much. This is great. I ate great food, got great presents and I get to spent another years with this hot piece of muscles by my side!” Steve cheered and to the horror of the other grown-ups and Penny utter delight, he leaned over and tugged at Bucky's crotch.  
Bucky jumped in his skin, blushed a deep red colour and hissed: “Steve, knock it off! God, what is wrong with you today?”  
Steve ignored him.  
“But I hear I might not be the only one scoring tonight!” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.  
Only because of her enhanced sense could Penny hear Bucky's almost inaudible whisper of: “Keep going and the only thing you’ll be scoring is a place on the couch tonight.”  
God, it hurt not to laugh.  
“What do you mean?” she instead asked Steve.  
“I heard that your man-crush is attending the Party of the Compound later on. Looking to get him tangled up in your web?” he asked, again underlying his suggestive question with wiggling eyebrows.  
“Jesus, Rogers!” Tony shrieked, putting his glass of water down. “We almost killed a man a few months ago because we thought Penny was having sex with him and now all of a sudden you’re cool with this?” he asked.  
Next to him Pepper raised a delicately plucked eyebrow. “Excuse me, you almost did what?” she asked.  
Right, they hadn't told the other Avengers about Wade…  
“You gotta admit Tony, anything is better than Wade Wilson. And Anansi...he is hot. Were I ten years younger….” Steve said, trailing off.  
“If you were ten your younger he’d be sixteen and you would be ninety...Knock it off old man…” Tony interrupted him.  
Penny bite the inside of her cheek hard.  
This was awesome.  
.  
.  
Five Drink Steve was a potty mouth. And a dancer.  
Cursing like a sailor he jumped up and down in front of the poor guy manning the DJ booth. He was also the only one doing it.  
While most guests politely ignored it and pretended nothing was wrong, most of the Avengers looked on in horror and confusion.  
Penny just felt pride.  
No drink for seventy plus years and Steve Rogers was still holding his alcohol better than some other seasoned drinkers.  
Still, most of the others were starting to catch on.  
“I think he might be drunk…” Bucky whispered at Tony and Nat, watching Steve with concerned eyes.  
Penny almost felt bad.  
Almost.  
Instead she watched from where she sat perched on one of the lower branches of a tree, as Sam tried to approach Steve on his dancefloor, obviously in an attempt to get him to calm down.  
Oh, this would be good. 

“Hey, Steve, my man. Think you could keep it PG13? There are kids here, you know? I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself but...you know...try to keep it a bit...down, you know?” he asked through a fake smile.  
Steve stopped his dancing and clasped his hands over his mouth.  
“Fuck. Did I say shit? Oh my god, I said shit, didn’t I? Oh my god, I did it again. Shit! I’m so sorry. I’m such a fucking dumbass. I’m so sorry Sam. I promise I won’t fucking swear again! God, I’m a bad role model, what the fuck was I thinking?”  
Sam, wisely, gave up. He just shot Steve a thumbs up and retreated.  
“Yeah, he is definitely drunk.” he told the others when he re-joined them.  
“How the fuck is that even possible?” Tony asked in a low voice. “I thought because of the serum he couldn’t get drunk?” he asked.  
“Beats me, nobody really knows what the serum did to him. But I haven’t seen Steve drunk once in all these years!'' Natasha mumbled.  
“I mean...it is kinda entertaining…” Sam said after a few moments of silence.  
“It is. But I am concerned about the party at the Compound in two hours. We can’t have Captain America make a drunk fool of himself.” Pepper chimed in.  
“Shit, I had forgotten about that.” Bucky groaned.  
“He’s supposed to give a speech. In front of the press! Guys, we have to get him to sober up real quick!” Pepper hissed.  
“What do you want us to do? Drag him under a cold shower?” Sam asked, folding his arms across his skin.  
“Just...let’s try giving him plenty of water and maybe some food and hope he’ll snap out of it by the time we get to the Compound.” Tony sighed.  
Penny saw the opportunity and went for it.  
She jumped down from the tree, landing gently next to the grown-ups.  
Sam flinched violently and suppressed a few ‘motherfuckers’ more or less successfully.  
“I can go get him some water from the fridge inside.” She offered innocently.  
“That would be great Penny. We'll try to get him into the car. It’s almost time to go anyway.” Pepper said sweetly.  
Penny nodded and headed inside to where part of the buffet had been put up.  
Checking that nobody was around she emptied half of a water bottle from the fridge into a nearby plant and then reached into her bag.  
Quickly she refilled the water bottle and shut it, hoping nobody would notice that the seal was already broken.  
She hurried back outside to see Tony, Bucky, Sam and Nat trying and failing to get Steve to leave.  
“Nooooo!” he whined. “I don’t want to leave yet. It’s my birthday! It’s my party. I want to party!”  
“Don’t you remember, the Party will continue at the Compound, with more people. That's why we have to leave now!” she jumped in, smiling sweetly up at him.  
He stopped. “Really?” he asked  
Turning back to the others he asked, slightly accusatory: “Why didn’t you just say so? I’m down for another Party! Hell yeah, Afterparty motherfuckers!”  
He turned back to Penny.  
“Come on Penny, you’re the only sensible person I see, you ride with me and the others can take a cab or whatevs…”  
She saw Tony mouth _‘whatevs?’_ at Pepper, who just shrugged before putting a hand on Steve's arm to get his attention.  
“I’m afraid Penny has to take the express route with Tony because she has some duties to fulfil at the Compound.”  
“Booo...party pooper.” Steve pouted.  
“It’s okay Steve, here, take this water. I’ll see you at the Compound and then we can Party on.” Penny promised him, holding out.  
“What do I need the water for?” he asked.  
“It's hot outside. It’s important to stay hydrated, right?”  
“You’re so fucking right!” he said with wide eyes, took the bottle, opened it and took a huge gulp. _Six Drink Steve, here we come._  
Penny saw the relieved faces of the others as he did. God, she couldn’t wait to see them all at the Compound.  
As they escorted Steve to the elevator, Tony pulled her aside.  
“Go take the long way there, make sure he sobers up!” he muttered to Happy before they were gone.  
Then he turned his attention back to her.  
For a second she thought he had noticed what she was doing but when he took off his sunglasses and looked at her, it was with a gentle, proud paternal smile.  
“Thanks so much kiddo. I know he’d listen to you. Will you be okay with Pepper handling the press and the guests.”  
For a split second the guilt was back but she pushed it aside.  
_This was payback, motherfucka._  
She smiled at him.  
“Of course Tony. You know me. I always nail these things. You take care of Steve. This is so unlike him. What do you think he drank?”  
“No idea. But I’ll make sure he’s better by the time we get there, don’t worry about him. Now go. Pepper is waiting.”  
He hugged her.  
“Thanks kiddo.”  
“No need to thank me.” she replied with a smile.  
_It is my absolute pleasure_ , she added in her thoughts.  
“Just for this I might let you talk alone to Anansi for ten minutes.”  
She rolled her eyes.  
“Bye Tony, see you later.” she said instead of an answer and waved over her shoulder before hurrying to join Pepper in the garage.  
.  
.  
People always assumed, of the two of them, that Tony was the one with e flashy cars and reckless driving and they would be right.  
But that was only because Pepper was clever enough not to get caught.  
If the press knew half the sports cars in the Stark Tower garage were hers and she doted on them like they were precious paintings or something, they’d probably have a stroke.  
Pepper was also a better driver than Tony and Penny told him that any chance she got.  
As they raced down the long winding streets that let out of the city and upstate, doing about 140mph, Pepper was still cool as ever, controlled and still multitasking.  
“How does a man like Steve Rogers even get drunk?” she ranted.  
“I don’t know.” Penny muttered, faking innocence.  
“Here, take my phone, call Jessica, tell her to prepare for an eventual change of plans should Steve not be ready to make a speech today. Tony will just have to wing it. Or maybe someone from the board of directors can boast about how SI is a supporter of Captain America. Or some bullshit like that.”  
Penny did as told.  
When she hung up she said: “Jessica is not happy. But the PR team is already putting together excuses. Like heatstroke or Steve just being very emotional on this special day. I told her to go wild.”  
“Good. Now, when we get there I need you to make sure the exhibition is ready and in order.”  
“Sure.”  
Penny almost wished Pepper would drive even faster. This was going to be an absolute disaster.  
.  
.  
The garden area outside the compound was decorated much like the tower had been but this time the theme was more red-white and blue and the patriotism was very in-your-face. The entire drive-way up to the actual Compound building from the main security gate and the rondel before the building were lined with at least a hundred or so flagpoles, all proudly displaying the American flag.  
The White compound building itself had the Star-Spangled Banner projected onto its outside.  
“Charming. I thought the point of the Avengers and the Accords was that we were not a one-country-based organisation but rather there for all people?” She asked.  
Pepper shrugged.  
“Whatever makes people happy and keeps funding this place. Here” she reached into her pocket and pinned a button to her dress that was also an American flag, “Now you’re in the right spirit as well.”  
Penny shook her head.  
“I love America but this is just...too much.” she muttered as they got out.  
A valet hurried to go park Peppers car and they hurried inside.  
Penny could hear the gathered masses around the building in the actual garden.  
there were a lot of people.  
“Yeah well, if there’s a way to describe America that would be it. A bit much. Now off you go, I’ll see you in a bit.” Pepper said, gently pushing her through the side doors that led to the open air exhibition while she herself straightened out her dress before going through the doors on the other side to welcome their guests.  
.  
The open air exhibition was basically just the Captain America Museum from the Smithsonian, sponsored by Stark Industries.  
It showed Steve's journey from a young asthmatic boy with big dreams and ideals to becoming their beloved national icon. And of course the role Stark Industries had played in the creation of their hero.  
It was an interactive display of texts, videos from the War, survivor recounts of Steve as Captain America, old interviews of prominent SHIELD figures like Peggy Carter and Howard Stark and so all, all the way from the 1940s to today and their most recent history.  
Penny checked that everything was in its correct place and that there had been no mistakes made, that all the tech was working, before walking over to where Pepper was giving her opening speech from the steps of the main building to the press and other invited guests.  
As she looked around she saw many military uniforms and awards pinned to chests.  
Maybe she had underestimated what this would be like?  
Too late now.  
If she had to, she would go down with this ship.  
She wondered how the others were doing with Steve.  
She was so absorbed, leaning against one of the pillars that she didn’t notice the tall figure approaching her until he stood right next to her and spoke in a low voice.  
“Finally, a familiar face. Hello Penny.”  
Penny flinched and stood up straight.  
“Jesus Christ and seven hells, Anansi, don’t do this to me.” she whispered back, clutching her chest.  
He laughed and it was just about the most magical sound in the world.  
It gave her time to inspect him. 

When it came to Anansi, his parents must have known right from his birth on that he would someday be something special.  
Not only did he look like a god with his chiselled face, dark ebony skin and deep brown eyes and killer body but also like the god he was named after, Anansi the Spider-God (!!! if that wasn’t a sign already) who was the god of stories and in some narrations also the god of knowledge who shared his stories and his knowledge with the world, this Anansi, the one standing next to her, had a lot of brains too and was a prodigy in the field of biomedical engineering.  
He had lost one leg as a child due to an infection and grew up building his own prosthetics because none of the ones provided to him ever really fulfilled the needs and the expectations he had.  
At fourteen he was put on the map when he won a youth science fair for his homeland of Ghana and the SI Institute in Johannesburg in South Africa saw his creations. From there on it was a straight ride up to the top for Anansi. Scholarships to elite Schools and Universities, a private lab, money to support his family and eventually a two-year Internship here in New York under their leading expert in the field, Prof. Dr. Jane Keen.  
Penny had met him on his first day there when he had toured the labs and been shown his new work station.  
Which so happened to be right next to hers.  
Being a child-genius like herself, he was one of the few people who didn’t react with disbelief when she was introduced as the head Intern of their department and, in a way, his supervisor.  
He was easy going, his accent was to kill for and it also helped that he was genuinely a very nice person.  
Penny had developed a crush right there on the spot.  
Much to the Avengers delight.  
They kept teasing her endlessly.  
Well, except for Tony, who teased her but was also deadly serious about Anansi being off limits.  
That didn’t stop Penny from admiring him from afar and maybe having one or two fantasies about him. 

It wasn’t that hard. In his navy suit that fitted just right and with the top buttons of his crisp white shirt undone and the sleeves rolled up, casually holding his suit jacket in one hand he looked absolutely stunning.  
He grinned at her.  
“Sorry. I was just happy to see a familiar face. When I got the invitation I wasn’t sure.”  
he looked around. “I mean, I know a lot of the people around here but I only know of them. By god, the scientific elite of North America is gathered here I think and it’s not like I’m friends with them.” he whispered, clearly in awe of the many famous people around. “And is that the President over there?”  
“Yeah, he drops by every now and then. Apparently, Steve knew his grandfather or something. As for the rest of them, you get used to them. Once you see them all drunk at the annual Christmas Party you lose some of that respect and awe.” she waved off.  
He laughed again, causing some people to look over to them. A photographer snapped a picture of them.  
“I saw you checking out the exhibition, it looks great, you did a great job.” he added.  
She tried not to blush.  
“Thanks. It wasn’t all my doing though.” she admitted.  
“Still.” he said and she smiled at him.  
“So, when are the big guns coming in?” he asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers.  
“Soon. Pepper and I left early to get everything set up. You know Tony, always fashionably late for everything.” she said lightly.  
“I still can’t believe you get to work With Tony Stark and Pepper Potts on a day to day basis.” he whispered, shaking his head in disbelief. “He was, still is, my hero.”  
“Naw, he’s not that great once you get to know him. Bit of a tosser really.” she grinned and winked.  
He laughed again. “My god Penny, I just love talking with you.” he sighed, winking back at her.  
Penny's heart fluttered in her chest.  
He leaned closer...oh my god, was this what she thought it was going to be?  
Someone cleared their throat behind them.  
They jumped apart and turned.  
There stood Clint.  
He had one eyebrow raised in that disapproving-parent-kind-of-way.  
“Sorry to interrupt” he most definitely wasn’t “Could I borrow Penny for a minute?”  
Anansi jumped aside. “Of course Mr. Barton, sir. I better go anyway. See you later Penny. maybe we can go through the exhibition together?”  
“I’d like that, see you later Anansi.”  
Clint waited until he was definitely out of sight and earshot, then he said: “You are not going anywhere alone with that boy.”  
“Clint! Anansi is a good man.” she hissed.  
“Yes, exactly. A man. He’s twenty-six. Date in your own age bracket.”  
“But boys in my age bracket tend to be idiots.”  
“Tough luck then.”  
She looked past him towards the main building.  
“Are you here already?” she asked, trying to catch a glimpse of Steve.  
“How did it go?” she added, looking back at Clint excitedly.  
“Depends. How much did you put in that water bottle?” he asked back.  
“You noticed?” she asked, eyes wide.  
“Penny...everybody noticed something wasn’t right. I don’t think they know it was the water but...let me tell you that ride...never again in my life!”  
“Was it that bad? Is Steve okay?”  
“Oh, he is most definitely okay! But The others aren’t.”  
“What happened?”  
“Well, when we got him in the car they thought the water was working because he became real quiet and just stared out of the window, deeply in thought or so it appeared. But then he started talking about how fish are always wet or if they even notice at all.”  
Okay, so the amount of Spider-Web Penny had put into the water bottle would be the equivalent to three drink round-about.  
That meant Six Drink Steve was a Philosopher. Not bad, a bit boring but okay.  
“And then?” she asked.  
“Then he started crying, which freaked out everybody and started saying how grateful he was to have us and how we were the reason he got up every morning. He then proposed to Bucky, which is something I don’t have time to unwrap. He fell asleep before Bucky could say something. To say that things got awkward is an understatement. And then we arrived here and Sam woke him up. Last I saw him he was drinking the last bit out of the water bottle you gave him. I just made a run for it.”  
So Seven Drink Steve was an emotional mess. Figured.  
“I wonder what eight-drink Steve will be like.” she wondered out loud.  
Clint snorted.  
“You won’t have to wait long. They are about to get started.” he nodded towards the stairs where Pepper was just finishing her speech.  
“Now, if you'd please put your hand together for our national treasure and Hero, the man with a plan. Captain Steve Rogers ladies and gentlemen.”  
polite applause followed and the door behind Pepper opened and the team spilled out onto the steps, Steve sandwiched between them.  
He looked...fine...for the lack of a better word. He wasn’t swaying too much, probably because Sam and Rhodey were sneakily supporting him.  
They waved at the gathered people before Tony stepped up to the podium where pepper stood.  
“I know I’m not Steve Rogers, believe me, we all know that. But I wanted to take this opportunity to express just how much Steve Rogers means to me, this team and this family. Steve…”  
Penny understood what he was doing.  
He was trying to make time.  
She could see, and hear, Natasha behind Steve, whispering fiercely into his ear.  
She was telling him in so many ways and also very explicitly, how she would skin him alive if he didn’t pull himself together enough to say a few words to the gathered guests without causing a scene.  
Steve obviously tried really hard to look sober. Apparently he had finally noticed that something was wrong.  
He looked like a child who’d been caught with his hands in the cookie jar.  
But the harder he tried to look serious, the more messed up he actually looked.  
She slowly made her way through the crowd and found Anansi.  
He waved her over and she joined him.  
“This is so surreal. I never thought I’d one day attend events like this.” he muttered.  
Penny set to answer but Tony's voice interrupted her.  
“I’d also like to speak out my gratitude to my wonderful intern, Ms. Penny Parker, who helped organize the Captain America exhibition we have set up to recount all of Steve's heroic deeds from the war as well as his involvement in more recent crises.”  
He gestures at her and heads turned and people looked at her from all sides, some even applauding slightly.  
A few cameras flashed. She smiled and nodded at Tony.  
But the guests were not the only ones who had noticed her. Steve looked up when he heard her name and a wide smile spread over his face.  
He waved. “Hey Penny!” he shouted.  
She tried to hide the blush at the attention.  
“Hi Steve. Happy Birthday!” she shouted.  
“Thanks!” he shouted back.  
Tony didn’t look too happy with this development but he made the best out of it.  
“Ladies and gentlemen, you’ve heard enough from me, you’re not here for me. Let’s hear it now from the man of the hour, Steve Rogers!”  
The applause was louder this time and Penny saw Nat give Steve a slight push towards the podium.  
She had yet to see what kind of drunk eight Drink Steve would be.  
Steve stumbled slightly but amazingly regained his composure.  
he stood there for a second before he opened his mouth.  
“Hi.” he said. “Thank you all so much for coming. This...this is great….you are all great. Really, the job all of you do every day to help make America be the best it can be….Phenomenal!”  
Penny’s eyes widened.  
Eight Drink Steve was a ‘drunken-group-of-girls-in-the-bathroom-at-the-club-complimenting- each-other’ kind of drunk.  
“Just like...scientists! People like you made me and...that was incredible and now...now we can get rid of diseases that killed friends of mine when I was younger! I’m still bummed out though there are no flying cars. Like...Howard promised us though in what was… 1942 or 1943...whatever, Tony, what’s up with that? Where are the flying cars?”  
While he didn’t exactly slur, he wasn’t talking normal either.  
Penny saw a few confused looks on peoples faces already.  
Tony just smiled at Steve but didn’t answer.  
He didn’t have to anyway, because Steve was already continuing and had already forgotten about the flying cars.  
“And you, journalists! Free speech is so...soooooo important! I remember...in Germany...the Nazis...they just said so many lies! But you guys! You are the shit, let me tell you!”  
He burped and Penny bit her lips so hard she almost drew blood.  
“Well, except for Fox News and...the Daily Bugle. You are always so mean.” Steve huffed.  
Penny watched in delight how Tony covered his face in embarrassment. Around them cameras flashed repeatedly and people had their phones out, trained at Steve.  
“What...what is going on here?” Anansi asked her in a hushed whisper.  
“This right here is my real contribution to this day.” she muttered.  
“What do you mean?”  
She looked around, then asked: “Can you keep a secret?”  
He frowned. “Sure.”  
“No, I mean it, you can’t tell anybody!”  
“Okay, fine, I promise.”  
“So...Steve is actually shitfaced right now. I spike his drink with something very strong. Strong enough to even knock a super soldier clean off his feet.” she admitted.  
He stared at her and for a second she feared he would maybe judge her.  
But then a grin spread over his handsome face.  
“No way.” he breathed and turned back to the stairs where Steve was still rambling on. This time about how awesome the Avengers were.  
“This is amazing. How did you do it?”  
“Traders secret. Just enjoy it.”  
Apparently Pepper just then decided that enough was enough and gently tried to wrestle Steve away from the microphone without making it too obvious.  
“I think we can agree with the Captain that Americans' free press, our scientists and our military are the greatest in the world, protecting Freedom everywhere and that we stand united behind Captain Rogers and the virtues he represents. God bless Captain Rogers, God bless the President and God bless the United States of America.” she said smilingly into the microphone.  
On cue confetti cannons and fireworks exploded around them, effectively distracting most guests that Bucky and Sam could manhandle Steve back inside but not without Steve shouting very loudly for everybody to hear: “I fucking love all of you! Fuck yeah America!”  
The band started playing and Pepper and Tony began damage control with the press.  
As around them the people began to mingle, mostly talking about the Captains weird speech, Anansi turned to her, his eyes wide.  
“This might be the greatest thing I’ve ever witnessed. And you really did that?”  
She nodded. “Yup.”  
“Marry me?” he asked, obviously joking.  
“On the spot if you want. All we need is a ring.” she readily agreed.  
He laughed, bent down and ripped a long dandelion out of the ground and tied its long stem into a hoop with the yellow blossom on top, forming a sort of ring.  
“That's all I have right now.”  
“I’ll take it.”  
He slipped the ring on her finger and she examined it.  
“Oh, one more thing, I have to tie up my loose ends. Don’t go anywhere.” she said, remembering the last step of her plan.  
“Whatever you say.” he laughed and she took off.  
.  
Clint was okay and as a fellow prankster she couldn’t really stay mad at him.  
But that didn’t mean he was safe.  
His backpack in hand she slowly made her way into the common area on the living floor where Steve was sprawled out over three sofas, dead asleep and the gathered Avengers looked absolutely exhausted.  
“hey guys, is he alright?” she asked, nodding at Steve.  
“Yeah, just passed out. Finally.” Bucky sighed.  
Behind her, Tony and Pepper appeared.  
Perfect timing.  
“Oh, by the way Clint, you left Nathaniel's diaper bag downstairs, Laura asked me to give it to you.” Penny added, walking towards him. Clint frowned.  
_So long, sucker._  
Penny pretended to trip and let herself fall, the bag flying through the air.  
“Oh my god Penny!”  
“Honey, are you alright?”  
she caught herself slightly and watched from her position on the ground as two almost empty bottles full of clear liquid rolled out of the open bag and came to a rest at Bucky's feet.  
She slowly got to her feet as Bucky picked up the bottles.  
“What is that Clint?” he asked. “What kind of baby supply is this? And why is it sticky?” the soldier asked.  
Clint's eyes widened and he looked at Penny, who gave him a quick, wicked grin, before feigning confusion again and letting Pepper fan over he scraped palms.  
She watched as Bucks smelled at the lid of one bottle.  
“Is this...Clint, is this alcohol?” he asked and looked confused at the archer.  
“No…” Clint said slowly, obviously panicking slightly.  
Natascha took one of the bottles from Bucky, opened it and sniffed.  
“That is Vodka. Since when do you drink Vodka?”  
She brought the bottle up to her face but Clint jumped up and took it from her.  
“Natascha no! You can’t drink that Vodka!”  
“Why not?” she asked suspiciously.  
“Because it's like 100% alcohol! You could die!” he said, not realizing his mistake until the words were out of his mouth.  
“Why do you have 100% pure Vodka? You can’t drink that shit anymore than Nat ca. And those bottles are almost empty?” Sam pointed out.  
It was Bucky, who put two and two together.  
“You asshole! Did you spike Steve’s drinks?” he asked.  
“Oh my god Clint, how could you?” Pepper asked, disappointed and angry at the same time.  
“You know, now that I think of it, Clint always brought Steve his drink!” Nat pointed out.  
“Do you think this is funny? Oh my god Clint, we don’t know what this could have done to him!” Tony growled.  
As everybody started laying in on Sam, Penny retreated backwards.  
Clint stared at her, mouthing promises of death and pain.  
She just threw him a kiss, turned around and went back outside.  
Anansi was waiting by the entrance to the exhibition.  
“What do you say, wanna show me around?” he asked, holding out his arm so she could link hers with his.  
“Hell yeah.”  
.  
.  
Despite Steve's drunken ramblings, the party was a success mostly.  
At least by the time the buffet was opened and the pyrotechnicians lit up the night sky with an amazing display of fireworks most people had forgotten about it.  
But there was always the next day.  
Penny was walking towards the living room, liking a gif Ned had sent her of Steve at the party being dragged inside, with the subtitles in all caps reading ‘I fucking love you all!’.  
Every major news-outlet had somehow gotten footage of Steve in his not so perfect and proper usual self but weirdly enough it wasn’t a scandal. Steve got a lot of love online from all over the world.  
People loved drunk Steve.  
Penny felt a bit proud. It wasn’t exactly what she had expected but it would still be embarrassing to Steve and that was all that mattered.  
Speaking off.  
She put her phone away and walked towards the sofas.  
Bucky was deep asleep but Steve was sitting there, rubbing his forehead, obviously in pain. The TV was on, showing a few clips from the party yesterday.  
“Hey Steve.” she said cheerfully.  
He looked up at her.  
“Hey penny.” he said in a rough voice. Then he looked back at the TV.  
“I can’t remember anything I did yesterday. Everything gets hazy after...well...pretty early on actually. Tony told me Clint spiked my drinks. Can you believe it?”  
“I cannot.”  
He looked at her confused.  
“Because he didn’t. I did. This is payback bitch.”  
His eyes widened, then he groaned. “For Wade?”  
“For what else?”  
She turned around to go to the kitchen but Steve called her back.  
“You know, I should be mad but I’m not. While I don’t remember much I know I had a lot of fun yesterday. So...thanks. I won’t tell Tony. Just...please don’t do it again!”  
She smiled. “I promise. We’re even.”  
He sighed in relief.  
Her eyes fell on Bucky.  
“By the way...” she reached into her pocket, pulling out the dandelion ring Anansi had made for her.  
The flower was already a bit mangled and dry but still good.  
She handed Steve the ring who looked confused at first, the followed her gaze towards Bucky and suddenly his eyes widened.  
“I thought that was a dream.” he whispered.  
“Nope. You did that. But maybe, if you want to do it again, sober, you want to do it with a ring and a tad more...romantic, if you will.”  
He took the ring.  
“Thanks Pen.”  
“You’re my family too, you know?” she said, squeezing his hand before turning around and heading to the kitchen.  
.  
Not even Clint’s murderous looks could dampen her mood when she later spotted Steven and Bucky walking into the kitchen to join the rest of them for breakfast and she spotted the Dandelion on his finger and saw Steve big dumb grin.  
Everyone would have to agree that this had been worth it.  
Even Clint.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: I’ve taken some liberties and modified the Amy Santiago Drunkenness Scale from Brookly Nine Nine for this, in case that seemed familiar.  
> Anybody else here a huge fan of the Show?  
> Also disclaimer: This story deals with spiking someone’s drink and getting someone to drink alcohol without their knowledge or consent. DON’T do that in real life! I feel like that should be clear but do not trick people into drinking if they don’t want to or don’t feel comfortable! Respect people boundaries! It works out fine in this Story but that will not always be the case!


End file.
